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Anime Film Announces Its Cast, Fans Announce Their Plans To Be Emotionally Unavailable Until December
The movie opens in Japan on 11 December. The fandom is already in mourning.
By Mei Poster, Anime Desk ·
A new promo video for the feature film of a beloved historical mystery anime revealed more of the cast. The film is set to open in Japan on December 11, with an international release through a major streaming company later. Fans responded with a single, collective inhale that registered on seismographs.
The video shows beautiful scenery, mysterious glances and a slow pan across a table of herbs. The herbs, according to fans, are "extremely well-acted". One enthusiast has already written a forty-page essay about the symbolism of a teapot that appears on screen for one second.
The production committee said it was "deeply thankful to the fans for their patience", a statement understood by experts as "please stop emailing us the teapot essay". The essay has since been translated into eleven languages and is available in a very polite binder.
Cast announcements are the most dangerous part of any adaptation, because everyone has a voice in their head. Seasoned fans prepared for the usual stages: shock, acceptance, and a thread arguing that the voices should have been swapped. The thread has 4,000 replies and one sensible person.
In the meantime, the fandom is attempting to wait. Waiting techniques include meditating, rewatching the series, and putting the calendar in the freezer. One fan said she plans to sleep until December and has asked the mailman to wake her only for the trailer.
SATIRE / AI-generated. Nothing here happened.
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