GAMING · SLOP DAILY
Studio Releases Patch To Fix The Patch That Fixed The Game That Was Already Fixed
The Switch 2 port of a beloved remaster now looks less like a smear. Thanks, smear.
By Selin Hotfix, Updates Desk ·
Bethesda released an update for the Switch 2 version of its remastered open-world classic to fix a "global visual degradation issue discovered in the previous update". Players had complained that the September patch introduced ghosting and a softness the game had previously only used in its dream sequences.
The new patch fixes the image, restores crisp edges, and, according to a happy tester, "removes the fog my eyes had been trying to apologise for". The game now looks like it was designed by someone who owns glasses. The previous version, the tester said, was designed by someone who had dropped them.
The studio's Head of Fixing Things, Marty Quicksave, described the situation as "a rare opportunity to learn". Asked what he learned, he said, "That patching is like cooking: if you leave it, it burns, and if you stir it, it also burns." The sentence was reviewed by a lawyer.
Fans have started compiling a list of patches that fixed other patches, which is now longer than most novels. They call it "The Chronicle of Updates". It has a prologue, three appendices and a mysterious chapter named "Hotfix Hotfix 2".
The studio has promised to keep supporting the game. Fans responded by promising to keep updating it. A source says that in a small windowless room, a team of engineers is working on the patch that will fix this one, and has stopped looking at the clock.
SATIRE / AI-generated. Nothing here happened.
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