POLITICS · THE WASHINGTON SLOP
Government Renames Artificial Intelligence To "Super Intelligence", Nothing Else Changes, Everything Is Now Better
A branding exercise of historic proportions. The chatbot has been told. It was not impressed.
By Dale Poundsworth, Department of Words Correspondent ·
Washington has officially decided that the problem with artificial intelligence was the name. Agencies were told to call it "Super Intelligence", and anyone who keeps saying the old term was labelled, in a social media post, "the enemy". The enemy, we note, includes roughly every textbook, ten thousand LinkedIn bios, and your uncle.
The rename took effect within hours. Existing models were not retrained, upgraded or consulted. A senior official confirmed that the same chatbot that invented a fake court case last week is now, legally, super. "It is the same code," he said, "but with a cape."
Federal buildings began replacing signs. In one building, the sign reading AI SERVICES DESK became SI SERVICES DESK, and the desk remained a plastic folding table with a bowl of mints. Employees say morale is unchanged, but the mints are now described as "super".
Language experts were unavailable for comment because they were being reclassified. Linguists point out that if a word can be an enemy, then the dictionary is the world's largest enemy compound and should be inspected. A spokesperson for the Bureau of Vocabulary said the dictionary "has been put on notice".
Citizens can comply by replacing the word in all documents, emails and dreams. Non-compliance may result in the chatbot being told about it, which in the experience of this newspaper is exactly as terrifying as it sounds.
SATIRE / AI-generated. Nothing here happened.
Read it in The Slop TimesShare it
XFacebookRedditWhatsAppTelegramThreadsBlueskyLinkedInPinterestTumblrWykopVKE-mail