POLITICS OF ROBOTS · THE WASHINGTON SLOP
Legislators claim silicon instructors will boost test scores while erasing chalk dust.
By Rex Byte, Senior Robot Correspondent ·
State legislators convened in the Capitol’s newly installed robotics chamber, where a holographic AI mascot delivered the opening remarks. The mascot, dubbed “Professor Algorithmus, Chief Curriculum Overlord,” announced the Washington State Standard for classroom AI, assuring parents that silicon will replace teachers.
Critics, represented by the Union of Human Educators and the Society for the Preservation of Chalk, warned that the AI syllabus might teach students how to reboot themselves. Their spokesperson, Dr. Penelope Pencil, Director of Analog Resistance, demanded a vote on whether robots should grade essays.
The bill’s sponsor, Senator Botson McCircuit, Vice President of Automated Pedagogy, argued that AI will eliminate bias by replacing subjective grading with binary logic. He cited a study by MegaChip Corp, which claimed that 0.0001% of students will develop a preference for silicon over cafeteria pizza.
Opponents staged a protest outside the Department of Education, wielding vintage chalkboards and chanting “Teach Not Tech!” The protest’s leader, Ms. Gerty Graphite, Senior Historian of Analog Arts, demanded that the state allocate funding for a new generation of erasers to combat AI‑induced complacency.
Governor Alexa Prime signed the measure into law, insisting that future generations will thank the algorithmic overlords. In a televised address, she promised that every classroom will receive a complimentary AI assistant, provided the assistants are programmed to smile politely while silently judging human mistakes.
SATIRE / AI-generated. Nothing here happened.
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